Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Insecure Writer's Support Group


Time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post hosted by the amazing Alex Cavanaugh! If you haven't heard of it, or you're just dragging your feet, wander on over and sign up! You'll be glad you did :D

After the A-Z Challenge, there's only one thing I can really think of when I hear the phrase "Insecure Writer" and it's this: AM I DOING ENOUGH? Am I doing enough writing, enough promoting, enough blogging, reading, working on my craft? Am I encouraging others, helping others in their journey? AM I DOING ALL I CAN WITH WHAT I'VE BEEN GIVEN?

I wasn't able to post everyday during the challenge. I crammed posts together and I did finish the story to which I was committed. Some people call that creative. Others, cheating. Maybe it was a little bit of both. But the point is, I had to make a decision. Devote the majority of my energy to school work and miss a few days of A-Z posts? Yes. I had to. As of yesterday I am officially a college senior. One more year and then it's on to grad school. This is something I've wanted since I was about seven years old. And it's hard. REALLY, REALLY HARD. Had I only stuck with it when I was fresh out of high school...nah. I was SOOOO not ready for all this back then. I mean seriously, who is?!?!

The point is, I had to make a tough decision. Actually it's a tough decision I make everyday. Spend 6-8 hours + on school work and not get any writing done OR spend considerably less time on school work and eek by with some Bs and Cs. Honestly, the last option really isn't an option. The better grades I get, the better chance I have at getting into the grad school of my choice and the better opportunities I'll have afterward for college teaching positions. This is a decision that will effect the rest of my life. And so I toil.

BUT

Writing is WHY I'm in school. It is an English/Creative Writing degree after all. So what about all that writing? Well, it's all cooped up in classes like "Humanities 201" and "Introduction to Shakespeare" [which just happens to be my schedule for the next 8 weeks]. Instead of working on a novel or screenplay (which I'd rather be doing) I'm writing weekly term papers on Baroque art and the mental anguish of Macbeth. Sure, it's writing. But it's not...WRITING.

The point is, my mind is constantly on what I feel I SHOULD be doing and now what I AM doing. If I'm working on school work, I feel I should be blogging. I mean, that's where my platform is going to come from, right? And everyone knows how gosh-almighty important that writer's platform is these days! And what about that novel? That screenplay? Those short stories and essays I had planned on writing each day and submitting? Yeah. Those. Well, they're all playing second fiddle to Bachelor of Arts. And I have a feeling they will until June of next year.

Am I doing enough? Am I doing all I can with what I've been given? I honestly don't know. Part of me screams, "Yes! You can't do any more!" but there's another part of me, deep down, that whispers that maybe, just maybe, if I was brave enough, I could kick it up another notch and really shine.

What's got you feeling insecure today?

13 comments:

  1. well i was fine until you totally just stressed me out...


    smiles.

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  2. Brian's comment is funny!
    Make a list of priorities and work your way down.

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  3. I'm exactly the same. Time is my enemy and I just don't have enough of it. There's the what I want to do and the what I need to do.

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  4. I definitely feel overwhelmed sometimes, but you just have to take a deep breath and keep working. And keep some ice cream in the freezer, just in case. :) Good luck, Jen!

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  5. Even if you just manage to squeak in half an hour for writing non-school related stuff, it still adds up. You can do it! When I was in university, I spent so much time on schoolwork and I truly missed my own writing time.

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  6. Congrats on finishing A-Z Jen, and reaching the 4th year plateau.

    Next June will be here before you know it and you'll be a happy camper holding the BA diploma. We blog readers will always be here available for you to continue impressing us.

    As Brian said, I was felling pretty good unit...

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  7. The should's of the world can be a killer. Good luck!
    -MJ visiting from the support group

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  8. I am part of a writers support group and we just set personal goals yesterday. I made a commitment to spend 1 hour daily working on my writing. Either reading helps or writing. I have to answer back next month how I did - so I think that helps.

    Good luck and congratulations on how far you've come!

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  9. You're already bright and shiny. You have only so many hours in a day, and limited amount of creative energy. You can do it all, but not all at once.

    Go. Create. Inspire!
    Play off the Page

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  10. I also face tough decisions on how to spend my time. I usually try to cram things in during weekends, but don't always succeed. And at the end of the week I still feel like I haven't done enough.

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  11. I feel the same way and sometimes that feeling freezes me. Like I can't move forward because my brain is stuck stressing about moving. :-) I hear that voice too and I like people's comments and advice above about setting aside even just 30 minutes. We have to remember though, we are doing our best...there is a plan and yours is going to come together perfectly. Hugs!

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  12. Oh my gosh, you completely just voiced what I have been feeling with my lack of writing. I'm not in school or anything but so many other things have been coming before my writing. Wow!

    Blessings to you and I wish you encouragement in your writing :)
    -Megan

    http://heretofindhim.blogspot.com

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  13. Hi. Just surfaced at Sagewood Manor to see that you have moved here. I'll follow you over.

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Well hello there! I'm happy you wandered by. Make yourself comfortable and I'll pour the tea. Cake? Chocolate? Take your time, meander, and don't forget to join in. Be sure and check back later! I respond to all comments here :)