Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Insecure Writer's Support Group
Time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post hosted by the amazing Alex Cavanaugh! If you haven't heard of it, or you're just dragging your feet, wander on over and sign up! You'll be glad you did :D
After the A-Z Challenge, there's only one thing I can really think of when I hear the phrase "Insecure Writer" and it's this: AM I DOING ENOUGH? Am I doing enough writing, enough promoting, enough blogging, reading, working on my craft? Am I encouraging others, helping others in their journey? AM I DOING ALL I CAN WITH WHAT I'VE BEEN GIVEN?
I wasn't able to post everyday during the challenge. I crammed posts together and I did finish the story to which I was committed. Some people call that creative. Others, cheating. Maybe it was a little bit of both. But the point is, I had to make a decision. Devote the majority of my energy to school work and miss a few days of A-Z posts? Yes. I had to. As of yesterday I am officially a college senior. One more year and then it's on to grad school. This is something I've wanted since I was about seven years old. And it's hard. REALLY, REALLY HARD. Had I only stuck with it when I was fresh out of high school...nah. I was SOOOO not ready for all this back then. I mean seriously, who is?!?!
The point is, I had to make a tough decision. Actually it's a tough decision I make everyday. Spend 6-8 hours + on school work and not get any writing done OR spend considerably less time on school work and eek by with some Bs and Cs. Honestly, the last option really isn't an option. The better grades I get, the better chance I have at getting into the grad school of my choice and the better opportunities I'll have afterward for college teaching positions. This is a decision that will effect the rest of my life. And so I toil.
Writing is WHY I'm in school. It is an English/Creative Writing degree after all. So what about all that writing? Well, it's all cooped up in classes like "Humanities 201" and "Introduction to Shakespeare" [which just happens to be my schedule for the next 8 weeks]. Instead of working on a novel or screenplay (which I'd rather be doing) I'm writing weekly term papers on Baroque art and the mental anguish of Macbeth. Sure, it's writing. But it's not...WRITING.
The point is, my mind is constantly on what I feel I SHOULD be doing and now what I AM doing. If I'm working on school work, I feel I should be blogging. I mean, that's where my platform is going to come from, right? And everyone knows how gosh-almighty important that writer's platform is these days! And what about that novel? That screenplay? Those short stories and essays I had planned on writing each day and submitting? Yeah. Those. Well, they're all playing second fiddle to Bachelor of Arts. And I have a feeling they will until June of next year.
Am I doing enough? Am I doing all I can with what I've been given? I honestly don't know. Part of me screams, "Yes! You can't do any more!" but there's another part of me, deep down, that whispers that maybe, just maybe, if I was brave enough, I could kick it up another notch and really shine.
What's got you feeling insecure today?