Wednesday, January 10, 2018
An Echo of Something I Once Knew
Answers are given if you're brave enough to ask the questions. Pathways are exposed if you look close enough. I've been sitting with a lot of questions these past few weeks. Just before Christmas and into the New Year. The same questions I've asked again and again and again and this time, this time, I heard something.
Oh it wasn't a booming voice from heaven. It was more like an echo of something I once knew. Why now, though? Seriously. Why not the years and years of asking?
I believe the answer is in the asking. Now hold on before you run off. Think about how you ask for things. Some questions are asked meekly. Some, boldly. Some are more like demands and others are a beggar's pleading. I've done them all. Especially that whole sniveling, begging thing. Ugh.
This time I sat with the questions of writing and thinking and wondering and art and ...
... OK, here's where it gets bit weird ...
... I didn't ask at all.
I just sat. When you've spent your entire life asking the same questions it's time to STOP ASKING. Even if, especially if, you haven't got the answers yet. Well, you just THINK you haven't gotten the answers yet. I'm going to tell you a secret: If you, like me, have always asked yourself the same questions about life - YOUR life - without feeling like you've received a concrete answer, YOU'RE WAITING FOR A FEELING AND NOT AN ACTUAL ANSWER.
You already have the answers.
No really. If you didn't you would keep asking the same questions. You just haven't gotten the answers you want.
Let that sink in. I'll wait. It took me a minute to process.
Yoga teaches us to be pliable, to stretch and bend and not break. Meditation teaches us to allow our minds to be stronger than the hounding of the outside world. Depth Psychology asks us to get dirty and mess things up.
You're going to get dirt under your nails.
You're going to uproot things.
You're going to kill insects and worms and small plants not yet established.
You're going to hit rocks and clay and sand.
You're probably going to sink up to your chin in a bunch of muck and gunk that you've got to pull out with your bare hands.
Then and only then will you get to the bedrock - that unshakable, unmovable layer of yourself that is YOU, the you you thought you've been waiting to discover but that has actually been there the whole time.
As we're still getting acquainted with this New Year I challenge you to uncover what questions you've been asking yourself for years, perhaps, like me, decades. Then, I challenge you to sit with them and let them grow and blossom and lead you to the spot in the forest. There's a shaft of sunlight shining there, Dear Heart. And there's a shovel.
Photos taken at The Biltmore Estate in Asheville, North Carolina October 2017
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