Today is the monthly gathering of the Insecure Writer's Support Group. If you're new to the blog-hop, welcome! Trust me: you've found a wonderful place with a fantastic group of people all ready to surround you with encouragement, give you some helpful advice, and rally around you when you need cheering on!
And if you haven't joined us already, go ahead and click on the tab above! Even if you're new to blogging, new to writing, or both, you'll find the support and a lot of the information you need for this crazy, amazing, strange, glorious journey.
Am I feeling insecure this morning? I just don't know. Last week I finished the second round of edits on a novel I've been working on since last September. The story has been with me much longer, but for some reason, something clicked this past Fall and I was able to get it out of my head and onto the screen.
I thought these edits would be a relief. I thought that once I got to "The End" the third time around, I'd feel a sense of accomplishment. I did get an immense sense of relief. I've enjoyed perhaps too much this past week of NOT writing, NOT editing. But some things have been nipping at the back of my mind that have caused me to second guess my second edits.
IS THIS BOOK THE BEST THE VERY BEST THAT IT CAN BE?
DOES THIS STORY HAVE A DEEPER LAYER THAT I'M AFRAID TO DIG INTO?
AM I JUST BEING PARANOID, WORRIED THAT THE WORK HAS ALL BEEN IN VAIN?
AM I BEING TOO HARD ON MYSELF, NOT ALLOWING MYSELF TO BE "FINISHED"?
DO I HAVE MORE IN ME, MORE OF THIS STORY, THAT I'M NOT ALLOWING TO COME OUT ON THE PAGE?
In other words, is the book really finished (as finished as a book can be before it reaches critique partners and goes through the query stage), or is my gut correct: am I holding myself back in order to "finish" a novel instead of taking out my shovel and pail and get down and dirty and let this story get grit between my fingers and toes?
I don't know. It's probably a little bit of all of the above but I can't help but wonder if still, after the initial drafts and the two edits, if I'm still holding myself back because of the strangeness of it, the glorious madness that is this voice that won't shut up inside my head?
I'm not looking at the story until next week. It's going to sit and stew until this coming Monday. I'll be meditating on all of these questions. I suppose I'll just have to see what kind of Muse I meet when I open my computer on Monday morning.
Have a wonderful day,
and may all your Insecurities be the mild hallucinations of a weary but happy Muse <3