I haven't looked at my computer in over a week.
I haven't written anything in over a month.
Isn't it funny how life runs in cycles? Round and round it goes, pulling us in, centrifugally we turn and ebb and flow.
And that's OK. Really. We don't have to always be “on”. I know; 'modern life' demands it. Jobs and families and dreams and goals knock and scramble and tug on our apron strings. “What about me? I'm hungry! Are you there yet? What's wrong with you?”
The answer to that last one is, “Nothing.”
Nothing at all.
You're just fine. Really!
So you've got obligations beyond your control. We all do. So you've got to show up at the day job or you can't keep the lights on and the computer fed. So you've got kids and pets and partners who need – yes – need you. Guess what? YOU need YOU, too.
Yep. And you'd better give yourself what you need.
Just like you feed the nephews and clean out the litter box and keep the dog supplied with belly rubs, you need to prop up your feet, sip some tea, and dream a little dream of you.
I know what you're thinking: I can't. It's selfish. I can't take the time.
And guess what I'M thinking: Yes you can. No it's not. Yes you can.
If you need to take a step back from writing, do it.
If you need to go shopping at the thrift store and buy a new to you pair of socks, do it.
If you need to go to a park, a shopping mall, the beach, Spain (and you can), do it.
- and if you go to Spain, I'll gladly carry your luggage -
The point is, you don't have to be “on” all the time, no matter what social media tells you. You don't have to always keep up with somebody else's track record. You don't have to keep your house looking just like that Instagram account you love and hate and envy.
You have to be you.
You NEED to be you.
You GET to be YOU.
Three days ago I opened my computer up and felt a breeze of anticipation. I've been thinking deep about writing and direction lately and there's this voice that keeps telling me the path is “over there”. “Nope, not there, uh-uh, nope, yes – right there!”
How many times have you re-evaluated your Writing Path? Or are you one of the “lucky ones” and you've always walked the one that feels good to your bare feet? Either way, do you ever struggle with keeping up with YOU, whether that looks like taking a break, changing genres, or just sitting back a moment, glass of white wine, and letting the directions wash over you, give you an idea of where they lead, and then give yourself room to really contemplate the direction your spirit is calling you towards?
I suppose it's that last scenario that I find myself in. The wine is chilled and is a sharp Sauvignon Blanc from South Africa (thank YOU, Porcupine Ridge *kissy face*). My feet are bare and are either pointing towards my coffee plant or out to sea. There's probably dirt or sand (or both) under my toe nails). And I'm sipping and thinking and enjoying the labyrinth. I'm smiling at the wondrous spiral of it all and trying not to sing “Dance, Magic, Dance” too much while pondering this analogy, though the mental image of David Bowie ain't half bad.
The truth is, I'm actually enjoying the uncertainty. The ride. The crazy, painful, confusing, joy of rethinking the voice I've used for ages and the voice that's sitting, just there, at the base of my throat, waiting to scream. Or sing. Or yodel. Whatever it's doing, it's waiting and stewing like a pack of churning thunder clouds over Little Tybee on a Thursday afternoon. Close. Forbidding. But far enough that I don't have to run for cover...yet.
I've taken to toasting the waiting. The rest. I gotta funny feeling that it's a calm before a storm.
And I'm taking all the time I can to prepare.
PS: So I totally missed the IWSG day for June. Whoops! My mom's been in town for a week and I sorta kinda focused on that :D. I hope you all had a marvelous romp through Bloglandia and shared inspiration and encouragement across the spheres. I'll be back in July! Unless someone else shows up to stay for a week...